you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
