Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
