you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize