I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
