dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's Friday. Sex?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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