dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
