if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
