just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
