why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
