You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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