i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
