I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
