On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
