why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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