I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
