Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
