woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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