so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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