You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I will pee on everything he values.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
