Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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