Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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