dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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