He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
