My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
