I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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