She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I AM VODKA MAN
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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