dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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