I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
