I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
