Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
