just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
