grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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