i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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