I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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