no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
