I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize