Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
