Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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