At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
