I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
