hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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