So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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