if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
