So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
