Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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