I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
