so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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