I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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