Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
