I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
