Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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