corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You ruined the universe
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
