We're like a lot better than the average bears
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
