i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
