i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
