just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
