My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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