I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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