my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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