I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
