maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
