I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
