i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
