I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
