There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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