yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
