**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
