Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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