apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
