dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
