She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize