I'm jealous of your bromance
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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