Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
