if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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