We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
