He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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