real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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