Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize