This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize