A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
