I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
