Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
