I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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