True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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