why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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