carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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