That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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