I will die if light touches me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
