Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
