i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
