I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize