Im at strip club and am horny
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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