your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
