god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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