remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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