Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
