I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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