So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need a burrito and a hug.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
