so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
