So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
