He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize