Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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