There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
