i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
