Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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