Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize