He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
