Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize