Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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