With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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