I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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