I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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