The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
