she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
