I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
