I think my fart just growled at me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
