I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
