i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize