that's an acceptable place to lick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
