soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
