Ketchup is God's man juice
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize