I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
