This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
