Dual....:-)
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
