woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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