He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
