you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
