I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
