just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My life is pants optional.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
