You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How external is "for external use only"?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
