The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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