Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
