singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
